This Isnt Happening
by thestudyofyou
Summary: "Uh..." She froze.She heard the voice coming from the gaping door. "Helga, where do you keep your rubbing alcho-" Arnold. She looked down. She was pants less. His eyes flew open. "I...I'm sorry..." his face flushed. He shut the door quickly. No...FREAKING way...
1. Nothing Happened

She ran, as fast as she could. Her breath was caught up in her throat.

Her footsteps splashed on every step.

Thunder was heard in the distance.

She shoved air in and out of her chest.

"H-Help!"

Words she'd never dare speak.

"S-Some one! Help!"

A tear ran down her face. She wiped it away and kept running.

Her feet hurt. She ran down the side walk, she didn't stop.

A green car pulled up in front of her.

Thunder again. Rain poured down on her.

It was a family vehicle. A man was in the driver's seat.

Shock went down through her body. She tried to turn back. Her legs caved.

She tried to get back up. She tripped on the uneven cement

"No!" she shoved her small frame up off the floor and kept running.

"Help! Someone! Help me!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

No one was around.

She ran unto an alley way and ducked behind a sickly green garbage container.

It was overly big and hid her petite frame with space to spare.

She breathed heavily and fast.

She was feeling light headed.

Then she heard footsteps.

Her heart stopped.

She clasped her hands over her mouth.

She tried to be as still and as quiet like she never had before.

The footsteps dawned closer.

"..." she shut her eyes as hard as she could.

She swallowed hard.

The footsteps were inching closer. the sound of the weight hitting the puddles sent fear through her body.

Another thunder bolt was heard.

"...please..." she whispered.

Her whole body was tense.

She was shaking uncontrollably...

The ribbon in her hair, once a perfectly neat bow. Now barely hanging on.

_Go away. Just…. go away. Don't find me. You can't… find me._

Her heart beat so loud she was afraid the approaching figure would hear it.

It thumped heard against her ribs.

She felt nauseous.

The footsteps stopped.

Her heart went silent.

She couldn't hear a thing...

She didn't breathe.

"Helga. There you are sweet heart."

Her eyes shot open.

Her hands dropped.

A tear streamed down her face.

" It's okay, daddy's here now."

He leaned down to pick her up.

He lifted her frame easily. Her pink ribbon loosely fell out of her hair.

"No."

He hauled her up on his shoulder and squeezed her mid-section against his arm.

She felt the acid in her stomach churn.

She didn't struggle.

Her body went limp against her father's shoulder.

He put her in his car.

Big hands buckled her seatbelt.

Dry lips kissed her head.

He smelled her hair.

"The rain makes you look beautiful Helga."

He took the loose ponytails out of her hair and let her damp hair fall.

Thin blond strands rested against her shoulders and back.

"Let's go." He ran his hand against her check and locked the door.

He got in moments after.

They drove the opposite direction of their house.

She looked helplessly numb at him.

"We're not going back, don't worry sweetie, were going somewhere else, some where _she_ won't be."

She shut her eyes lightly.

She didn't have the strength to speak.

She leaned her head against the cold glass window.

Her body felt cold, but she didn't shiver.

Then the car stopped.

She heard the keys turn, and the motor settle.

Her eyes didn't open.

"Helga..." a pasty hand touched her shoulder.

She shot up.

Her eyes focused on him.

She looked around.

Rain was pounding on the car.

There were tall grass clumps around the car.

She could barely see beyond them. She was only able to see the brick wall in front of them.

"W...Where are...we?"

She kept trying to peer over the tall grass.

"Far...far...away from your sister, and your mother, dear."

She didn't feel comfortable.

"...o...okay..."

He smiled at her.

"Helga…dear….did I ever tell you the story of why….everyone calls me…. _Big_ Bob?..."

He placed his hand on her thigh.

"D-Dad?"

She remembered why she was running...


	2. Not Happening

She woke up.

Her heart was racing. She got up off her bead and headed toward her bathroom.

She held her head in silence…

She stood up to go to the bathroom right outside her door.

She drew a hot bath.

"Damn it."

She cursed under her breath.

She peeled off her sleeping pants.

She paused for a minute...

"Pants?" she threw them on the floor.

She slowly started to lift her shirt, but then looked in the mirror.

A small scar remained on her side. It was near her lower hip.

"Uh..."

She froze.

She heard the voice coming from the gaping door.

"Helga, where do you keep your rubbing alcho-"

**Arnold.**

She looked down. She was pants less.

His eyes flew open.

"I...I'm sorry..." his face flushed. He shut the door quickly.

No...FREAKING way...**Arnold**.

"A...Ar...nold...?" she fell to her knees.

Then it came rushing back.

* * *

"Hey Helga, do you mind if we hold the first days sleep over at your house? That way we could all take the bus I rented from there, since it's closer to the Budget car rental store. They'll charge less."

Helga was busy caught up in the portable gaming device phoebe lent her.

"Whatever floats your boat Rhonda."

She shooed the pop princess away.

"Great! I'll tell everyone to gather at your house today."

* * *

"Rhonda..."

she burowed her brow.

"..."

There was a knock on the door.

"H-Helga?" I'm sorry...but...I...I really...need rubbing alcohol..."

Arnold's voice was heard from the other side of the door.

She put her pants back on and opened the door.

She tried snapping out of it.

The medicine cabinet door swung open and she pulled out the bottle.

She opened the door slowly.

Arnold flinched.

She blankly stared at him.

"Here football head." she shoved the bottle to his chest.

His arms instinctively went up.

She looked at him for a second.

Both their faces flushed.

He looked at the bottle and shifted his gaze up at her.

She was making her way out the door.

"H-Hey...Helga?" she stopped. But didn't look back at him

"C…Can I ask you something?" she turned, but still didn't meet his eyes.

"Why don't you ever ...threaten to beat me anymore?"

Her eyes shifted from the floor to his.

She remembered the dream...

"Bad habit….I guess" she coldly said.

She shut the door behind her.

Arnold made his way into the bathroom.

He closed the door.

"That's...that's the second time I've seen her underwear..."

Well…...at least...at least this time she _knows_ I saw.

His face flushed.

He shook his head and poured the alcohol on his wrist.

Harold had bitten his wrist.

he was having a bad dream about the last buffet in the world running out of food or something... he couldn't really make out what he was mumbling,

Then and he was trying to tear the 200 pound kid away from himself.

He finished pouring the small wound with the sickly smelling substance and put it back in the cabinet.

"Band aid..." he searched the cabinet for one and found a small box under some cough medicine, he pulled it out.

Three bottles fell out from the overstuffed mirrored cabinet into the sink.

He tried to put them back from where he thought he found them.

One bottle caught his eye.

It was orange, with a white lid.

"Hypnovel Midazolam..."It looked like medication.

"Take one tablet… when needed... Helga G. Pataski"

_Helga's taking some sort of medicine?_

He looked at the date, It was refilled last week.

_Why?_

He put the bottle back in he cabinet and took the bandage out of the carton. he placed it back and shut the mirror door.

He looked behind him.

"She left her bath running..."

Something had been up with her. She had been acting so weird ever since that one day in fourth grade. it was truly the only day she had been absent for a long period of time.

she came back a week later...and...she didn't talk to anyone.

When she went into the cafeteria with Phoebe, Harold did as he usually did

he screamed a "hey Helga, looking especially ugly today, Did you enjoy your days off? You lazy unibrow freak!"

She'd normally come back with a "shut up tubby "or a " At least My eyebrow is better looking than yours!, You Pillsbury bough boy reject!"

But...she didn't.

She just... faintly smiled and ran out of there.

He apologized to her later...but all she did was nod.

She wasn't talking.

Phoebe came up to me that day...

"Hey Arnold...do you know what's wrong with Helga?"

Arnold shook his head.

"She...she's acting weird..."

Arnold sighed.

"Yea...I noticed...is she still feeling sick?"

Phoebe shrugged her shoulders and burrowed her eyebrows under her glasses.

"She hasn't talked to me about it...she hasn't spoken at all..."

Arnold looked down.

Then the bell rang.

"Hey, since you're her neighbor and everything...would you mind checking up on her today? And can you call me? "

He nodded.

"Here." She scribbled her number on a piece of paper and gave it to him.

"Please do so, I'm worried about her..."

"Yea...me too..."

He did go to check up on her...but when he rang the doorbell no one answered him.

He tried again later that day, at dinner, but still...nothing...

He remembered that he even broke in to their back yard...but...no one was home...

He never did find out what happened to her...

He pulled himself out of that flashback.

He leaned over and closed the nozzle to the bath.

"HEY! GIMME BACK MY TEDDY!" Harold's shriek startled Arnold. He almost fell into the tub.

He caught his balance just over the water with the soap rack.

"Hey football head-" the soap rack caved….and he dove head first into the steaming pool of soap.

He pushed himself back up, his whole body excluding his legs were soaking wet.

His feet dangled out of the tub.

He saw her looking down at him, her arms crossed.

He sank back in the water.

"H-Hey!" she pulled on his hand to try and get him out.

There was excess soap in the tub.

He took her hand and tried getting out of it but he slid back in with a splash.

He wet her feet and the floor around her.

"What'd you go and do that for? I used the last bit of bath soaps in that tub!"

He apologized...

"I'm sor-"

And he slipped back in.

She tried grabbing on to him; the tub was customized to be extra deep and wide, considering Helga's dad's size...

She reached for his hand...but the soap mountain was high. all she could see was his blonde hair poking out from the mound.

She stuck her hand in to try and reach for his...but she...accidentally touched his ...private... area...

"H-Helga!" He ducked down even further; he felt his face suddenly heat up.

She jolted back at the yell startled, and slipped forward.

Arnold reached for her and tried to push her back to balance...but he pushed in the wrong direction …..and sent her flying in with him.

She landed on his chest.

He felt slight pain shoot through his back on the account of him taking the fall for both of them...

But...

Then he noticed it.

…..her soaked her white shirt.

He...saw the laced lining in her bra.

His face flushed red.

He pushed her away from him.

"...uh oh..." He whispered.

Helga shoved some of the bubbles out of the tub.

Desperately trying to regain her composure she wringed her hair in the tub and didn't make an effort to get out.

Arnold just buried his head under the remaining bubbles around him.

"You know ...for a sixth grader...you sure do have the balance of a toddler"

She looked at him.

He buried his face further.

Not good...NOT GOOD.

He couldn't stop staring at her shirt.

It clung to her skin….really….really tight…..

His face felt like it was about to burst.

He clasped his hands between his legs.

"Football head?" She looked at him.

Oh no...tight... her composure they call me Big Bob?" i e more important :)

"..." he didn't know what to say, he felt like a deer caught in headlights.

"uh...hello?...Get out Football head! This is MY bath." she tried pulling him up and shoving him out, but he didn't budge.

"Hey. Arnoldo. What gives?" Her brow furrowed deeper.

"H...Helga...Can you...get me a t...towel?" she frowned.

"Uh...no. get it yourself. You have two legs that work fine."

well right now...i have three legs...but you don't need to know that.

"Please?" Arnold's face was noticeably red.

"..." she uncrossed her arms and went to get one.

She threw it at his head.

He took the towel and wrapped it around his shoulders. it was just long enough to cover most of his torso and a bit of his upper thighs.

But more importantly...it covered his growing problem.

"There's another bathroom down the hall. Go rinse off. i still haven't taken a proper shower."

She went towards the mirror.

"Not that puppy baths aren't fun or anything. "

She wringed out her hair in the sink again and tried to fix herself.

Then she noticed.

…Her shirt.

Soaking wet.

He face flushed and she looked down at herself.

…Completely transparent.

She looked back at Arnold.

Her face flushed even more.

So did his.

He ran out the bathroom covering himself with the towel.

Then it hit her...

"AAAAAAARNOLD!"


	3. Never Going To Happen

"What's _WRONG _with me?"  
Arnold ducked into the houses lower bathroom.

He double checked the lock on the door.

"What happened?" He looked at himself in the mirror.  
His face was still red. He looked down and his legs. His face twisted into a confused and panicked expression

…_..what…what's going on?_

He crouched over. His lower regions in pain.  
"What's wrong with …with…" he looked into his lap again. His face now beat red. He shut his eyes tighter and sat down.

"What's going on?"

His body was reacting a bit strange. His pants felt tight, and his blood felt like it was rushing to two opposing sides of his body, one being his face, and the other being his…well…you know.

He had this happen before. Only, it was at the oddest time. He was watching a Lila in his class eat her lunch, and for the strangest reason, his "downstairs" decided to act up again. He was worried. Terribly worried. Maybe worried due to the fact she was eating pudding, chocolate pudding.

Talk about being a fetishist, Arnold.

"Why!" he was clinging on to his pants zipper.

"Grandpa...He'll know…. what to do….."  
He reached for the door knob.

Problem.

This wasn't his house.  
"Crud!" he slid against the door and fell to the tiles. He crawled to the shower. He slipped the knob on cold. His clothes were still soaked from the tub incident, He peeled the heavy layer of cloth and unbuttoned his shirt and stripped off the lower half. He let the cold water slip onto his body. He winced. It sent icy shivers down his back.

The sensation slowly calmed itself.  
He breathed in deeply.  
He opened one eye and looked at his lower pain.  
"So…..Ice water's your kryptonite?...Heh…."  
Arnold continued to take a full shower.  
He lathered his hair and the rest of himself, cautious of his weary area.  
"I need to talk to grandpa….." He closed his eyes and let the pounding water sway him.  
"Hey! Open up! I wanna take a shower too! I smell like crud!" the Slamming on the door didn't stop.  
"Alright, hold on Harold!" Arnold stopped the shower, He grabbed a towel and wringed his clothes, He carried them against his arm.  
He unlocked the door, only to be shoved aside by this ginormous figure of a boy.  
"All yours." Arnold kept walking.  
He walked towards the living room.  
"Think rationally Arnold." He mumbled to himself. His hair was pulled back; it was Damp enough to stay in place. He closed his eyes as he passed the girls section of the house. They were all leisurely lounging around in their guys were all packed in the living room.  
He mumbled.  
"You Arnold!" His best friend came up behind him.  
"Your grandpa wants to see you; he told he had something to give you. Something bout a …something." I gave him a straight face.  
"Something 'bout' a something?" He smiled.  
"Just go." _He __**smacked **__my __**butt**__. He keeps doing that lately. I don't know __**why**__.  
_"Alright." He put his shirt on and slipped into his normal plaid shirt and sweater.  
He went straight to his front door. It was locked.  
"Grandpa…" Arnold's grandfather was getting to be forgetful at times. But his marbles  
He climbed through the rickety wooden fence. And under the pile of junk stashed away in the crack they caked a back yard. He jiggled the doors handle, but nothing.

He looked at the fire escape and started climbing. He was almost there when the most peculiar thing caught his eye. He saw them. Mr. Oskar….and…his wife….  
_What are they __**doing**__?_  
He saw Mr. Powalski holding his wife up against their fridge.  
He was dressed nicer than usual. Cheap Champaign was set out along the small dining room table with two used glasses. Both empty. A black elegant dress draped off her hips. The under furnished apartment echoed with their gasps. She had on nothing but her heels and pearls on aside the dangling cloth.  
Arnold's breath hitched.  
He saw Oskar repeatedly thumped against her in a repetitive motion.  
Arnold shut his eyes and scurried up the escape.  
His lower regions threatened to start again.  
"Grandpa…..!" He slid the window he always left open, up.

His room, Blue and heavily decorated in his manner. He rolled onto his bed.  
"Shit…"

* * *

"Helga!" She turned to see an underdeveloped Asian girl run to her.  
"Hey, what up Phoebes." Helga slipped on a pink jacket .the pink dress she used to wear was swapped for a mid-thigh length pink skirt with three white horizontal lines near the bottom.  
She wore ankle white socks with pink converse that also cut off below her ankle. The pink hoodie concealed her plain white t shirt. She also changed her hair style. Het ponytails were lower than when she was a kid. The jacket was baggy enough to cover her newly formed body.  
"Arnold. He's not here. We're leaving in about an hour and we need him to be ready. I'll hand out itineraries when everyone's formed. We leave in an hour sharp. Can you tell him that?"  
She paused with her hands etched into her pockets. She flashed back to the bathroom moment her and Arnold had together.  
St shook her head and bit her tongue. A light rose complexion appeared on her face.  
"Why can't you get Gerald to go tell him?" She brushed herself off.  
"He went to go get snacks for the road with Sid and stinky."  
"Oh…then what about Rhon-"Phoebe shook her head.  
"Nope. She's looking for her cat. Mr. Fluffles."Phoebe wrote something down on her list.  
"Then what about her-"She raised her eyebrow at her.  
"Right. Not that idiot. Then Li-…" she stopped herself. Phoebe raised her other eyebrow.  
"Argh! Why can't you just go Phoebe?" The petite Asian girl pushed her glasses up and folded her arms. She held a pointed pencil in one and a wooden clipboard with papers in the other.  
"ALRIGHT." Helga clenched her fists and walked towards the stairs.  
"Uh, Helga?" Helga stopped and looked back at her.  
"What?" She snapped at the little Asian girl.  
"I asked you to go _get_ him. Not go _peep_ on him." Helga's face glazed over with a slight blush.  
She crammed her fists in her pockets and walked outside.  
She walked down her concrete stairs and went towards Arnold's complex.  
"Hello?" she knocked on the door.  
No one opened.  
She knocked again.  
"Hello, Arnoldo, open up. "Again. No one.  
"Damn it football head!" the door swung open. A disheveled blonde boy emerged from the other side of the door. His hat was sideways, hair messy, shirt bunched together.  
"Uh….you alright there football?" She questionably looked at him.  
"Yes! Great! I am. Uh. W-what are you doing here Helga?" Arnold swallowed hard.  
"I'm…..here to get you? Arnold, newsflash. We're leaving in like less than an hour. Phoebe's freaking out about everyone being scattered. So like…get the lead out. Let's go." Helga turned and stepped down to the sidewalk. She turned.  
"Arnold… lets go?" She looked at him. He was slightly sweating.  
"I- uh. I can't." She looked at him suspiciously.  
"And….why not?" She raised half her eyebrow at him.  
"Because….because!" She stepped back.  
"Uh….okay? I'll tell Pheobe s you'll be a minute."  
Arnold fell to his knees. He clasped his right hand to his forehead. His left hand still on the door handle.  
"Whoa whoa whoa." Helga ran up the few steps and helped Arnold to his feet.  
"You alright there football head?" Arnold didn't look at her. His hand still covering his eyes.  
"Uh….I…." He lowered closer to the floor.  
"Hey, come on." She helped him to his feet.  
he looked down and slumped against the wall.  
"Arnold. You okay dude?" she placed her hands on his shoulders. He gasped.

_Again! No. Not now, Not now!_

Arnold tried to tail his mind on to other things.  
She lifted her hands off him.  
"A-Arnold?" She looked at him. His face was noticeably red. He was slightly panting.  
"I don't….i don't know." He looked confused.  
"Are you sick? "  
"Not exactly."He looked down.  
"Wheres your grand-"  
"Hes not here." Helga helped Arnold get into standing position.  
"Is there anyone that can h-" Arnold swallowed hard. He paused for a minute.  
"The only ones here are Mr. And Mrs. Potlouski….but…" they made it to the kitchen. She let Arnolds weight fall to the chair.  
"I'll go get them." Helga ran to the hallway.  
"Helga wait!" Arnold reached to her, but she slipped out of his reach.  
"Theyre…..doing something…" Arnold got up from the small kitchen table and made his way to their room.  
"….." Her eyes were wide open. Both her hands clasped to her mouth.  
She fell to her knees. Arnold practically limped to her.  
"I told you to wait." He knelt down beside her.  
"….." Her eyes still wide.  
"I don't know what theyre doing…but…I don't think we should disturb them."  
A tear slid down helgas face.  
Arnold closed the ajar door.  
"I think we should go…." Arnold looked at Helga.  
his eyes snapped open.  
"Helga?" Her eyes were overflowing with soft drops of fright.

She was scared.

"Helga?" He placed his hand on her shoulder.  
"No!" She slapped arnolds hand away from her.  
"Stop it! Don't touch me!" She slid to the wall.  
Arnold got closer to her.  
"H-Helga?"

"C-CHILDREN!"  
Mrs powlawski emerged from the room.  
"Childrens?" Mr powlouski followed.  
She panicked and ran back in the room.  
"Oh no childrens! You were not, no. No good to see." He ran into the room with her."  
the phone rang.  
"You…you were no supposed tosee. What I tell your grandfather now Arnold? I don't know how to explains to him that we were just having a little-"  
" . than you. Well be right out." The blonde wife hung up the phone. She was out of breath.  
"Oskar, we need to go. The taxi we called is already here."  
"But these childrens, they have just, no. I go, I go with stuffs." The husband descended back intothe gathered the few things they had and The Mr went out and held the taxi.  
The mrs had a trench coat on and ran to Arnold.  
"Umn….nothing happened okay? We need to get going. We got kind of…carried away? Yes. But we really should be leaving." She placed a fifty dollar bill in Arnold's hand and scattered to the door.  
"Nothing happened. You saw nothing. Bye kids, love you both."  
Her heels clicked against the rickety wood.  
"Aloha Arnold! See you in four weeks!"  
the door slammed.

Arnold looked at Helga.  
Her eyes were clouded.  
"Helga, are _you_ okay?" She stood up from the floor.  
"Y…..yea…im okay…" She grabbed her left elbow.  
"….Are…you…sure?" he placed his hand on her shoulder.  
"Yea…..im…sure….thank you."  
Arnold pulled back.  
"…Thank you?" She looked up.  
"Helga…you….youve never….ive never heard you say that….to anyone."  
She backed up against the wall.  
"Helga?" Arnold grabbed her hand.  
"Whats wrong?"  
She shook him off.  
"Nothing okay." She aimed towards the door.  
"No. its not nothing. Somethings up. You…you don't act like this. Your Helga. Helga Pataki. You hit people when they cross your way, you get angry for no reason. Youre …..youre stong…."He was trying so hard to put the right words together.  
She paused.  
"Heh….youre the last person id thought would say that to me."  
Arnold looked down shut his eyes tight then looked back up at her.  
_This is it._He thought,Arnold tilted her face.

They met eyes.  
He leanned in closer.

She held her breath.  
He leaned further...


	4. I Told You It Didnt Happen

He tilted her chin up. He saw it. Her eyes. They were filled with something, something he didn't quite understand. He wiped her sorrowful tears with his red plaid sleeve and helped her up...  
"Helga, I know….I know I may not be as important to you as phoebe, or your parents, or even maybe some of your other friends, but I'm someone you can talk to, if you really need me to be, I'll be there. I'd like to think that we are at least somewhat friends you know, I mean; we've been practically growing up with one another since preschool. That counts for _something,_ right?"  
She couldn't look at him.

"Arnold….." He wrapped his arms around her.  
Salty petals of water slid from her lashes.  
She felt unbearably vulnerable.

Helga's breathing started to shorten. She couldn't stop, she tried to keep it in, but she couldn't.  
He held her tighter. His chest pressed up against hers. If she wasn't envisioning….._him_… she might have enjoyed the moment….

"…..Whatever it is….it's okay…"  
_  
No…I don't think…..it'll ever be…..okay…._  
She lightly pushed him back.  
_The things you don't know. The things you don't realize, they can be the most deadly poison to a person._  
Arnold couldn't understand her. He wanted to. But he couldn't.  
"Helga…..just talk to me…." Helga touched her scar over her clothes.

She told him. She told everyone. Countless times. She told them how he ran his hand up her thigh, how discussing his prickly gray stubbled beard ran across her neck, scratching her skin. Every time he touched her it made her feel like she was bleeding hot oil. She couldn't remember anything else. She didn't think it was real . She kept having dreams, but she could never remember the hell. She honestly didn't know what was real, or what was in her dreams.

"It's nothing Arnold. Really, I've just…been having a really bad week."  
She smiled weakly.

Something didn't seem right.

And Arnold knew her. More than he'd admit. He'd occasionally sneak a glance back at her in class. And stare at her when they'd pass in the hallways.

He knew Helga.  
"Helga….I…."

He wrapped his hand into hers. He tilted her head once more and leaned in ever so sloes to her delicate frame.

"CUT!"  
A gouty voice was heard in the background.  
"What do you mean cut?" The blonde pushed the plaid wearing boy aside.  
"This isn't how I wrote it Helga!" A small squeamish boy rounded the corner. Fluffy hair and a voice a little bit too high with clothes of perfectness you could expect from him.

"Yes! Yes it is! I'm supposed to be this over delicate touch walled emotional person!"  
"Helga! You're making it seem like something worse happened to her!"  
"No I'm not Eugerm!"  
"It's _Director_ Eugene to you missy!"  
"Whatever."  
"She gets shot in the side while her father is trying to protect her. They drove in to the secret hide out where the mayor and his mistress were making hooky, so the mayor pulls out his gun and shoots but bob tried to protect you."  
"Yea, you'll never win a directors award with that attitude."  
"That's why in trying to make this seem as real as possible!" Helga crossed her arms.  
"Real as possible? The only truth to this script is that we have a school camping trip today second to the fact me and Arnoldo here actually live next to each other."  
"I also decided to use your real names and love quarrelationship." Helga blushed.  
"We are portraying what? Fifth graders? Were sixteen, dude. Were JUNIORS in HIGHSCHOOL."  
"Sixth, ranging to seventh. Fifth would be a tad in the creep factor. And the beauty is supposed to be made evident. Its sorrow and beauty with in blossoming love, the concern of Arnold and how he cares about everyone, but especially cares for yo-"  
Helga sharply slapped Eugene's head.  
"Stupid." She exited towards her house.  
"It's a film portfolio. Not a TRAUMATIZING PORN flick!" she slammed the door to her house.  
"What's her problem?"  
"Your stupid narrations are stupid!" she screamed from her window.  
Eugene brushed off his shoulder.  
Arnolds face was still red.  
"Arnold?"  
"Huh? Oh. Yea. Uhuh. See you tonight." He closed the door to his complex.  
Eugene crossed his arms.  
"I think ….I like this."  
He smiled.

* * *

"I'm leaving!" Helga stormed downstairs with her suitcase.

"Oh! Where you off to Helga?" Merium emerged from the living room sofa.

"Camping, I told you two weeks ago. And then again yesterday." Mariam got up sluggishly from the badly colored couch. She dragged her feet to the living room.

"Honey, we need to talk. Now I know your dad wanted to have this talk, well, he is the man and yadda yadda, but he told me he wouldn't be home tonight so…..Just sit down."  
Helga raised an eyebrow.  
"What's up Merium? What's with the being all parenting all of a sudden? It's kind of freaking me out."  
"Oh, no, I know. But Helga you're getting to that age were….well….Hmn…..Let me just show you."  
She slowly walked out of the room with a yawn.  
"Merium?" Helga tilted her head in her mother's direction.  
"Here we go. A nice big one." Helga paused.  
"A nice big what?"  
She pulled out a box with a pink bow on it.  
"Now I was going to wait till your eighteenth birthday and what not, but I know you youngings like to get a head start on us old folk. So here, happy two years birthday?" she placed the box on her lap.  
"What's this?" Merium made her way back to the couch.  
"There's a good ol instructin book in there, for everything, and your dad threw in some extra poppers for good measure. He says he "aint want them younings yet" mnn."  
Helga peeked into the white box laced with pink ribbon.  
"Open it when you start unpackin in your room over there."  
"Okay? Whatever you say Merium…"  
she tried peeling off a bit of wrapping paper; sadly, there was more wrapping paper under the wrapping paper.  
"Oh yee. Your father made me tripplewrap it. No peeksies."  
She grumbled and headed toward the door.  
"Bye mom! I'll be back….eventually!"  
Merium blew her a kiss and waved bye.

Helga stepped out of her house.  
She turned to see a flustered Arnold.  
"She walked down the stairs and waited for him.  
"But grandpa you know I-"  
"No no Arnold, there's no tellin what you young folk are going to be doing with one another these days. Just take it and go. You can bring it back if you don't need it, but Pookie says it's just better this way, and you know Pookie." The door slammed.  
He swung his backpack over his shoulder and sighed heavily.  
Arnold's face looked confused and disgruntled.  
"What's with the long face Arnoldo?"  
"You didn't hear? All the adults are freaking out."  
"Freaking out? About what? "Helga started walking down the block towards the local bus.  
"Nadine …..Her parents caught her…umn…..Her and Peapod…..well…they…"  
"They what? Stop beating around the bush football h-"  
"They did it"  
Arnold stopped walking.  
"Did what?" Helga turned to Arnold.  
"_It_."Arnold swallowed.  
"It?"  
"_It_."  
"No…way…" Helga clasped her hand to her mouth.  
"Yea…I know."  
"Arnold….you're a nerd. "Helga kept walking.  
"Hey, it's one thing to talk or joke about it…but…they actually did it. And Nadine's mom caught them. So now the whole towns freaking out about kids being all-"  
"Arnold. You're kidding, we just saw Mr. And Mrs. Awful couple frisking in their bedroom. Eugene even filmed some of it. Good improvisation my ass, he just wanted to record it so he could-"  
"I don't get it."  
"What do you mean Shortstop?"  
"Stop calling me short stop, I'm actually a bit taller than you now."  
"Only in heels football head."  
He frowned.  
"But the whole 'doing it' thing. My parents never talked to me about it. I just picked up some things here and there. I know the basics."  
"Helga….I've….I've never even made out with a girl."  
Helga stopped.  
"You've an awful memory Arnoldo."  
"What do you mean?" they reached the bus stop. The bus wasn't there, so they took a seat.  
"If you don't remember, it's not worth talking about." She smiled reminiscently.  
"Well….anyways…my grandpa gave me this."  
He pulled up his backpack. And unzipped the front pouch. He pulled the flap open.  
Helga peeked into the dark space.  
"No way." Her face bloomed red.  
It was a palm sized square, a shape of a circle was protruding through the hard plastic covering.  
"The worst part is he didn't even tell me what it's for. He just said 'you'll know when the time is right."  
Helga cracked up.  
"You've got to be kidding me. How old are you?"  
"Same age as you remember?"  
Yes. I do. I know everything about you silly. Down to the very day you found out Santa clause wasn't real.  
"Oh yea." Helga leaned back. She rested her palms against the back support of the bench.  
Arnold stared at her.  
"Yea, but you have had to have seen porn or something right? I know my dad keeps a stash of Toy Bunny magazines under the rug in the closet back home."  
Arnold swallowed hard.  
"Don't tell me Eugene pinned you picture perfect in the script." Arnold looked away.  
"You're kidding." She sat up.  
"Eugene got _a lot_ of things…._right_….." He swallowed hard.  
"I'm sure he did." She snared at the comment she made. She Stood up and put the white box into her pink messenger bag.  
"Well…actually….Eugene worked on part of the script with _me_ so…."  
Helga walked away from Arnold.  
"I…I guess what I'm trying to say is that….I think I…I might just sort of like you more than –"  
"Hey Football head! You getting on?" Helga shouted from the bus window.  
She fell back to her seat and slumped.  
Arnold looked down. He frowned.  
"Not this time." He clenched his fists and stepped onto the bus.  
His heart felt like it was a well shaken soda can ready to be opened.  
He sat next to Helga.  
"Whoa there" Helga sat up; She distanced herself a bit from him.  
"There's hardly anyone on the bus dude." Arnold turned to her.  
"I know." Helga uncomfortably schuffled closer to the window.  
"Uh….I promised phoebe I would save her a seat, she likes to talk about-"  
"Yea, uhuh, that's great, but there's something kind of important I _need_ to tell you."  
"Well….what is it?" She caved her chest in and arched her shoulders up.  
"Helga, for quite some time now, I don't know when, But it happened, I don't really quite know why either, but that's also not important, what I wanted to tell you, what I'm trying to tell you, is that, Helga Pataki, I think….I think I-"

**Announcement:** Dear reader, you have been **COCKBLOCKED**.


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